Longbenton, Newcastle upon Tyne, Tyne and Wear, United Kingdom
I can't swim to save my life but I don't mind getting out of my depth.
I untie knots like alexander,
I get my way with a quick back-hander,
My PC security is an unused plug,
Why fight my battles when I've hired a thug,
They say I swordfight just like Indi,
I call this bolt cuter 'The Master Key',
I keep my best cards behind my back,
And my favourite trick is a brute force hack.
What am I?
Oh! And here's a stumper that's got me stuck:
If stack exchange goes down, how on earth do they fix it?!